Bar Fight Etiquette Part 1

So for those of you who might not know much about me, I have been a bouncer at 6 different bars in my life. They have all been different themes. A dress to impress hotel dance club, a coyote-ugly meat market, an Irish pub, a mad thuggish dance club, a college drink your face off bar, and finally another Irish themed video dance lounge(it doesn't make sense to me either) bar.

I know you are asking yourself, "Marcus, how many fights have you had to break up?" The answer is...... Way too many to remember! I have dealt with everything from beligerance to weapons. So I am writing this blog as a suggestion for when the proverbial "whose penis is bigger?" contest pops off....literally.

Rule #1- If you met your girl in the bar, you are most likely going to lose her there. I have seen a few "eruptions" occur over a female flirting with some guy. Nowadays, girls do not give a damn how tough you are, or how sweet those new mma moves are when put into practice. So the obvious struggle that we go through is whether or not to assert ourselves in front of everybody. My advice in this situation is to first talk to your chick, see what she has to say about what you think is going on. If things prove to be innocent, then go and buy the guy his drink and tell him politely that she is off the market. If he refuses the drink and gets mouthy. FIND THE BOUNCER, and have him fix the situation. The bouncer just wants everybody to have a good time. If the guy is trouble, the bouncer will either get him out of there, or tell him to knock it off.

Now, if your chick turns out to be less than innocent, be a man and let her do whatever. This will become a situation within, because you are fighting pride with alcohol. Be smart, and go find some other girl to talk to.

Rule #2 .Man bumping is going to happen. If you are large human being like myself, try to be accomodating. I know it sounds lame, but courtesy goes a long way amongst the alcohol fueled mob. If some jerk intentionally bumps you and your drink, play it cool and laugh about it. Don't make a big issue of it, because that's what the asshole wants to happen. You should never assume the person owes you a drink, this starts so many fights. On the other side of things, if you unknowingly spill another man's beverage, go ahead and buy him another one. It is the nice and courteous thing to do. If you are low on funds and can't afford it, go ahead and tell the guy you owe him one if you run into each other again. This generally works, if it doesn't try to make it right. Introduce him to your most annoying girl acquaintance. Like I said, be accomodating.

Rule #3 If you have a long standing feud with somebody, and they show up at the same joint you are, you should probably find another place to get crunk.

Ill tell you why, because if you confront one another with alcohol racing to your adrenal glands(if that is possible) conflict is bound to happen. When it comes down to it, you are in charge of the decisions you make. So be smart and avoid a tense situation. The worst part about these situations are the numbers that can get involved. I have rarely seen a one on one fight. Generally it is the asshole of the equation that has about 42 friends there to kick your ass if you get froggy.

If you are that guy who has an "entourage" and likes to fight, stay at home, play beer pong, and invite some women over. Bars don't need you, and you should probably grow up more before you enter the public.

Those are just 3 rules, but I am sure I will write about more situations that you can get out of effectively.

Who wants to get maced by the cops, plasti-kuffed, and look like a douchebag in front of your peers? I know I don't.

Stay tuned for more Bar Fight Etiquette.

Marcus