Bar Fight Etiquette Part 1

So for those of you who might not know much about me, I have been a bouncer at 6 different bars in my life. They have all been different themes. A dress to impress hotel dance club, a coyote-ugly meat market, an Irish pub, a mad thuggish dance club, a college drink your face off bar, and finally another Irish themed video dance lounge(it doesn't make sense to me either) bar.

I know you are asking yourself, "Marcus, how many fights have you had to break up?" The answer is...... Way too many to remember! I have dealt with everything from beligerance to weapons. So I am writing this blog as a suggestion for when the proverbial "whose penis is bigger?" contest pops off....literally.

Rule #1- If you met your girl in the bar, you are most likely going to lose her there. I have seen a few "eruptions" occur over a female flirting with some guy. Nowadays, girls do not give a damn how tough you are, or how sweet those new mma moves are when put into practice. So the obvious struggle that we go through is whether or not to assert ourselves in front of everybody. My advice in this situation is to first talk to your chick, see what she has to say about what you think is going on. If things prove to be innocent, then go and buy the guy his drink and tell him politely that she is off the market. If he refuses the drink and gets mouthy. FIND THE BOUNCER, and have him fix the situation. The bouncer just wants everybody to have a good time. If the guy is trouble, the bouncer will either get him out of there, or tell him to knock it off.

Now, if your chick turns out to be less than innocent, be a man and let her do whatever. This will become a situation within, because you are fighting pride with alcohol. Be smart, and go find some other girl to talk to.

Rule #2 .Man bumping is going to happen. If you are large human being like myself, try to be accomodating. I know it sounds lame, but courtesy goes a long way amongst the alcohol fueled mob. If some jerk intentionally bumps you and your drink, play it cool and laugh about it. Don't make a big issue of it, because that's what the asshole wants to happen. You should never assume the person owes you a drink, this starts so many fights. On the other side of things, if you unknowingly spill another man's beverage, go ahead and buy him another one. It is the nice and courteous thing to do. If you are low on funds and can't afford it, go ahead and tell the guy you owe him one if you run into each other again. This generally works, if it doesn't try to make it right. Introduce him to your most annoying girl acquaintance. Like I said, be accomodating.

Rule #3 If you have a long standing feud with somebody, and they show up at the same joint you are, you should probably find another place to get crunk.

Ill tell you why, because if you confront one another with alcohol racing to your adrenal glands(if that is possible) conflict is bound to happen. When it comes down to it, you are in charge of the decisions you make. So be smart and avoid a tense situation. The worst part about these situations are the numbers that can get involved. I have rarely seen a one on one fight. Generally it is the asshole of the equation that has about 42 friends there to kick your ass if you get froggy.

If you are that guy who has an "entourage" and likes to fight, stay at home, play beer pong, and invite some women over. Bars don't need you, and you should probably grow up more before you enter the public.

Those are just 3 rules, but I am sure I will write about more situations that you can get out of effectively.

Who wants to get maced by the cops, plasti-kuffed, and look like a douchebag in front of your peers? I know I don't.

Stay tuned for more Bar Fight Etiquette.

Marcus

I have seen a shit ton of good movies lately.

I have been on a movie binge as of late, so I would like to share some that are worth your time.


Taken is a bad ass flick! I love movies where the hero's family is in trouble, and the he/she stops at nothing to destroy the persons responsible. Although predictable for having gratuitous violence and awesome martial arts, this movie captures the part of your mind that wants to see revenge. I am not one to spoil movies, so I will only provide brief teasers to keep you interested. It is an age old tale about a man trying to make up for lost time with his unappreciative daughter. The man (Liam Neeson) has a shady, but honorable past. It seems that he only has mere months to re-connect with his daughter before she heads off for college. Due to the irresponsibility of the naive daughter, the man has to go on a wild goose chase to save her from the clutches of evil. Like I said, the storyline is predictable. But the methodology is what makes this movie really fly. For non-stop action, sweet martial arts, and an eye-opening revealation about "how bad the world's underbelly is", check it out.

I cannot say enough good things about "Slumdog Millionaire". I think as Americans, we lose touch with what goes on elsewhere. This movie touched my soul. We follow the main character through many trials and tribulations in 90's Mumbai, India. The reason for these scenes builds a masterful plot, that shows us how one's will cannot be denied when believed in so fervently. So if you have a bratty child who doesn't appreciate what opportunities they have, have them watch how the children of India are constantly on the grind just to eat. It is analogous to your pretentious girlfriend sitting down to watch "Blood Diamond" They might think twice about their life.

I wasn't impressed with "Twilight" at all. I think Smallville has a more compelling storyline. The coolest part was that Bella's father drinks Rainer beer.

To the girls who worship this Edward fellow: He is a tool. Alice on the other hand, is pretty smokin'.

"The Wackness" was a movie that came recommended to me by my pal Holley. It is a good coming of age tale, and it is most suited for a lazy Sunday afternoon. If anything, people my age will appreciate the bomb ass soundtrack.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is a Kevin Smith film. I was obligated to watch because of my love for his brand of humor. It was not so surprising that there were crude jokes, and gross situations. But, I would advise to rent it at best. Seth Rogen makes the movie, and I think it would get very old after watching it once. The shock value never really gets me to chuckle a second time around.

I have more to come,

Music Time!

I may have been off the trolley to begin with......but I recently fell in love with the song "Paper Planes" by M.I.A. Thanks to Slumdog Millionaire of course. If you have not heard it yet, I suggest you scoot on over to Myspace Music and give it a listen.

Next, I was fortunate enough to catch Asher Roth on Last Call with Carson Daly about a month ago. He is what people like to refer to as "dope as hell", the song "I love college" hits home with me. It references classic college activities such as beer pong, societal rules for binge drinking, and perpetually getting over the night before. I am not going to lie and say that I can relate to gangsta rap by any means, so it is refreshing to hear somebody flow about something I am familiar with. I look for big things to come from this guy. If you are into feeling good whilst listening to some playful and joking rap, this guy is for you. I think he has an album in the works, so in the meantime some of his songs are available via iTunes. You can listen for free at Myspace Music.

I was happy to see that Kings of Leon finally got the recognition they deserved. They have been playing relative obscurity here in America since I found them in 2004. They are very much a classic rock, upbeat, bar tune type of band. I think what really separates them from the same old shit that comes out once a week, is the lead vocalist Caleb Followill. I may be tone deaf, but he sounds like a more refined Ozzy Osbourne. Their songs are fun, and mostly about loose women and drinking.

My personal favorite "soft" is off their debut album(and their best in my book) "Aha shake heartbreak". The song is about being in the proverbial situation of having a sexual encounter that is fueled by alcohol. Only this encounter is cut short by the realization that the man is unable to get an erection. I am sure some of the readers have experienced this in the past.

One of the more unknown facts about Kings of Leon is that many of their songs were featured on the HBO show "Entourage" during season one.

I will follow this post up with more suggestions for your play list. I hope you enjoy these finds as much as I do.

Welcome to my blog!

So I have decided I should throw my 2 cents in on what is going on in the world. I hope you enjoy what I have to say, If you don't I am open to all criticisms